


To Be of Service

by Endellion



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Bicentennial Man AU, Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester, F/M, Guardian Angels, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Build, Slow To Update, Switch Castiel, Switch Dean Winchester, Switching, Tags Are Hard, Tags May Change, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, eventually
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2019-10-21 04:52:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17636288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Endellion/pseuds/Endellion
Summary: Angels serve humans. Castiel becomes servant to a family and as time passes, he questions his role and the role of all angels on earth. Eventually he sets out to discover for himself the freedom humans have. Then he meets Dean and seeks something else humans are able to experience: love.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This AU was inspired by K6034 (on Tumblr). She is also my beta reader! This wouldn't exist without her ^^
> 
> Also, I have several chapters already written and will hopefully post every two weeks. I can't guarantee it will stay like that as I am back at uni on Monday. But I won't abandon this fic! 
> 
> The prologue is shorter than the rest of the chapters, just a set up for the story. You don't need to have seen Bicentennial Man to understand this story, but I recommend it just because it's a good movie.

Before God left, He entrusted the care of His creations to His original creations, the angels. The angels argued for some time over the best way to do as told and in the end thousands upon thousands of angels went to earth. They planned (insofar as they could agree) to help random humans and hope that fulfilled God’s wish. 

Where there are humans, however, there is almost always bureaucracy. The idea of angels just helping random, deserving people couldn’t be allowed to stand. Instead the angels had to be registered and given to people that the registering body thought deserving, ie. People with a certain amount of money. 

Over the years, the angels became further divided. There were those who stayed with a family throughout many generations. There were the angels who stayed with one member of the family and returned to Heaven upon their death, having done what their Father asked. And there were angels who thought disdainfully of humans and preferred to stay in Heaven. 

Angels helped watch over their assigned humans, but they did not socialise. Most convened with Heaven and their siblings during the night when their charges slept. If they were wounded, they returned to Heaven and healed. This isn’t to say that all humans simply accepted the angels’ appearance. Many were outright hostile, claiming them aliens rather than any Heavenly being. 

While they were eventually accepted, pockets of anti-angel prejudice still existed. They were humans who thought angels should go back where they came from, and that humans didn’t need their help. Then there were the humans who thought angels were above the little tasks they were often asked to do. Angels were nearly worshipped by these humans, who put them on a figurative pedestal. 

Finally, there were humans who, while far from worshipping the angels, said that as they were sentient beings they should be treated less like servants and pets and be encouraged to live their own lives. To integrate. None of these groups were a majority. The majority were perfectly happy to ignore angels or treat them as servants. The angels seemed happy to serve at an emotional distance, dutiful children obeying their Father’s last wish despite their own feelings on the matter. 

And then, a newly registered angel, Castiel, was assigned to a fifteen-year-old Henry Winchester.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henry Winchester receives a guardian angel, Castiel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suck at summaries, forgive me. Also, I decided to upload the first real chapter 1 week after the prologue but the schedule will be roughly every two weeks for future updates. 
> 
> Please note that I have done research to get things as factual as I can. I've also put a lot of work into making sure the timeline is correct, using the SPN Wiki for ages/birthdays etc and using Google for things like radio programs and jokes of the time. I'm only human so do let me know if I've made mistakes. 
> 
> My timeline starts thus: Henry Winchester was born 3rd of September 1928 (Virgo). He is 15 years old and the year is 1943 when the story begins. 
> 
> As always, a huge thanks to the inspiration and beta reader of this story @k6034.

Henry was in the kitchen eating a sandwich when the truck pulled up outside. He put the sandwich down, went to open the door and watch as the drivers opened the back of the truck. A man stepped out. He was dressed in a rumpled suit, blue tie, and a tan trench coat that hung open. His dark brown hair was messy and when he looked over at Henry, the teen could see bright blue eyes. Despite looking over, the man didn’t move. 

One of the drivers walked over with a pen and clipboard. “Henry Winchester? A Mr. Winchester put in an order for an angel to be assigned to you. Please sign here.” Henry wasn’t surprised his rarely-present father chose to buy him an angel, though he was tempted to tell them to take the angel back. He didn’t particularly feel he needed or wanted a guardian angel. He signed, though, and soon the angel was walked over and the drivers were leaving. “My name is Henry Winchester. What’s your name?” He asked. 

“I am Castiel. I am tasked to be your guardian angel.” Castiel replied. He was abrupt, face expressionless, standing patiently. The teen eyed him for a moment before stepping back inside the house and gesturing.   
“Please come in.” Castiel followed Henry inside without so much as blinking, something Henry found mildly disturbing. Unsure what else to do, Henry showed Castiel around the house. “This is the living room. Through here is the kitchen. I don’t know what you- what angels eat, but help yourself to whatever is available.” He offered. 

“We do not have to eat as humans do.” Castiel replied. Henry nodded slowly.   
“Okay…” Castiel’s head tilted curiously as Henry turned to head into the hallway to the bedrooms. “So, uh,” he paused by the bathroom and gestured at it. “This is the bathroom, but I guess if you don’t eat you also don’t- anyway, you can use the shower if you want.” Castiel looked in the bathroom. While he eyed the room, Henry cleared his throat beside him. “I heard somewhere that angels learn about the world before they’re assigned to a human. Is that correct?” Turning to look at Henry, Castiel mimicked Henry’s slow nod. 

“Yes. We access human history and basic knowledge of humanity. I know how the human body works and what a human needs to survive.” He stated it as though he was trying to ensure Henry knew he could adequately protect and care for the teen. No response jumped to Henry’s mind; instead he continued the tour and showed Castiel an empty room where he could stay.   
“We can get you a bed.” Henry offered.  
“I do not sleep.” Castiel said bluntly. Henry’s lips quirked at the unintentional rudeness.   
“I do not sleep, but thank you.” Henry corrected. Castiel’s head tilted again.   
“That is incorrect. You do sleep. Humans need an average eight hours of sleep a night to function at optimal level though this differs through a human’s life cycle.”   
“No, I do sleep. I meant that your response should have ended ‘but thank you’. It’s polite.” Henry tried to explain. The blue of Castiel’s eyes seemed to vanish as he squinted at Henry.   
“But thank you.” He said, clearly unsure of this but willing to say it if it pleased Henry. The teen shook his head, a small and unexpectedly fond smile on his lips. Castiel may know the basics of human existence, but he obviously still had a lot to learn. 

*~*~* 

The first week that Castiel lived with Henry and his mother was less than auspicious. 

The first month wasn’t much better. 

Castiel had a habit of standing closer to Henry than he was comfortable with. Very close. “Castiel, please take a step back.” Henry said. Castiel took a half step away, still closer than polite society would dictate. “Why?” Castiel asked, head tilting in its usual way.   
“Because people need some space. It’s polite.” Henry tried to explain.   
“You have space, when you occupy space nothing else can occupy that space at the same time.” Castiel replied.   
“No, it’s personal space. People like to have a bubble of personal space.” At Henry’s words, Castiel’s eyes squinted suspiciously.   
“There are no bubbles around you. How do humans know how much space is required? Can other humans see the bubble?” Castiel was looking as disgruntled as a cat that had fallen in water.   
“No, no. It’s just a figure of speech. It isn’t a literal bubble and, as for how much is required, well… It depends. On the people involved and, I suppose, the relationship.” Henry trailed off, sure that he was complicating things further. 

Indeed, the more he tried to explain the more befuddled the angel seemed to become. “Humans must stand at a certain distance to other humans based on who they are standing close to. This is something that the humans involved are instinctively attuned to without need for discussion.” Castiel echoed back to Henry. The teenager’s lips twitched as he fought not to laugh.   
“Something like that, Castiel.” Henry agreed.

Castiel didn’t have much of an opinion on the humans he came into contact with through Henry. He was introduced to Henry’s schoolmates and followed Henry through stores but few people spoke to him. Henry looked vaguely unsettled about how easy people found it to ignore Castiel’s presence, but he said nothing. 

*~*~*

Henry and his mother Elizabeth were eating dinner, his mother as distant as usual though she sat right across from him. To break the stuffy atmosphere, Henry smiled over at Castiel who was standing awkwardly in the corner. “Castiel, why don’t you come sit down? Try some dinner. You can eat, can’t you?” Henry asked. Castiel stepped closer.   
“I do not need to eat.” Castiel replied.   
“That doesn’t mean you can’t, right-” Henry was interrupted by his mother’s sharp voice.   
“Just leave it, Henry. It doesn’t need to eat so it would be wasteful for it to bother.” Castiel blinked, looking between the teenager and older woman. Henry’s shoulders hunched briefly, eyes widening. He pulled his clenched fist off the table and dropped it by his side. 

“He, mother. Castiel is not an 'it’. He is a sentient being and deserves to be treated as such.” Henry’s voice was tight and Castiel wanted to prevent a disagreement breaking out over him but was unsure of what to say.   
“I don’t care what you call it. Angels are unnatural and the only reason I allow it in my home is because your father purchased it!” Elizabeth’s voice was sharp and she stood. “I am retiring to my room. I do not feel well.” She turned on her heel and swept out of the dining room. For a moment, there was silence. 

Then, “I am sorry.” Castiel said. He wasn’t clear on what he had done wrong, but he had known that not all humans were accepting of angels.   
“Don’t apologise.” Henry’s rebuff was instant and Castiel stiffened before nodding jerkily. “Castiel-” Henry sighed. “I’m the one who is sorry. You didn’t deserve to be spoken to like that. You are not an it and mother had no right to say that to you.” Castiel contemplated this for a second, Henry pushing at the food on his plate. 

“I made your mother feel unwell.” Castiel finally said. Henry’s expression went sour, leaving Castiel feeling he had said something wrong and made yet another mistake.   
“My mother hasn’t felt well since before father went traveling for his work, Castiel. It is not a reflection on you.” Henry replied. He stood and started to clear the table, Castiel automatically helping. 

That night when Henry went to bed, Castiel sat in the spare room and pondered on Elizabeth’s long running 'illness’ and the way that Henry had reacted. There was still much he didn’t understand about humans, though he knew that he did not always get along with his multitude of siblings. Perhaps this was along the same lines.

*~*~*

A comedic radio program played out as Henry and did school work. Castiel listened to the story intently. Henry, glancing up briefly in between his work, chuckled at the silly lines. Castiel’s blue eyes zeroed in on the teen who had already refocused on his task. Castiel was torn, not wanting to interrupt but feeling- curious. 

“Henry?” He finally asked. The teen’s pencil stopped and he looked up.   
“Yes?” Henry asked. It was rare for the angel to interrupt.   
“You find this humorous.” Castiel stated, gesturing to the radio. Henry looked over at it for a minute and then looked back at the angel and nodded.   
“Sure. It’s a comedy. It’s meant to be funny.” Henry replied. 

Rather than going back to his work, he waited for Castiel to turn over the idea in his head. After a long moment looking back to the programme, Castiel looked at Henry. “I would like to be funny.” He said. Henry’s lips twitched at Castiel’s bald statement. Castiel, noticing the movement, frowned. “Was that humorous?”   
“No, Castiel. Well, yes, but not in a funny 'ha-ha’ kind of way. There are different kinds of humour, like jokes or satire. Sometimes the way you say things is funny even though you don’t mean it to be.” Henry said.   
“Can you teach me a joke?” Castiel asked. Henry thought for a moment and then nodded.   
“Alright. I proposed to a girl and would have married her if it hadn’t been for something she said.” Henry said. He waited for a moment and then cleared his throat. “Castiel, you need to ask what she said.”   
“What did she say?” Castiel asked obediently.   
“No!” Henry grinned. 

Castiel frowned. Henry’s smile dimmed and he went to explain. “He would have married her but she said no when he asked.” This did not alleviate Castiel’s frown.   
“He was rejected. Why is this amusing?” Henry faltered, unable to put into words how the initial part of the joke had two ways it could be understood.   
“Ah- okay. I have another one. A man is dining out and the waiter comes by to check on him. The waiter asks, 'how did you find the beef, sir?’ And the man replied, 'oh, I moved a potato and there it was!'” 

Henry didn’t wait before explaining this time. “It’s funny because the waiter was asking if the man had enjoyed his beef but the man thought he meant how had he found where it was located on the plate.” Castiel’s brow furrowed. Then it unfurrowed.   
“Language miscommunications and double meanings are humorous then.” Castiel said. Henry beamed. “Exactly! That’s exactly it.” After a moment, Henry turned back to his homework and left Castiel to ponder human humour. 

*~*~*

A week later Henry had some school friends over. They were outside by the pool and Castiel, in his ever present trenchcoat, was standing a short distance away. Henry stood up and asked Castiel for help grabbing everyone drinks and the two returned with cola bottles. As they passed it around, Castiel caught Henry’s eye. “I have a joke.” He announced. 

Henry looked around his friends and then back to Castiel. “Okay, uh, Castiel has been learning about human jokes. Let’s hear it.” He said to his friends. 

The teenagers all turned to look at Castiel who took a breath and then went for it. “A bartender is surrounded by several beautiful ladies and another woman walks up. She says 'can I get two old fashioneds, please?’ And the bartender replied, 'Sorry but there are no cherries around here.'” He blurted it out and then waited with a gummy smile for laughter. For a second all the teenage boys stared, brains processing that the angel had, unknowingly, made a dirty joke. Then they all burst out howling with laughter. Castiel beamed. 

*~*~*

Castiel was not allowed in Henry’s class. The school had a rule that insisted no angels were allowed in classrooms as the students needed to focus. So, Castiel waited on the school grounds. There was a nice pond on the campus and Castiel often sat on a bench and watched ducks on the pond. He heard the school bell ring, but didn’t move. Henry would find him as always. He found the pond peaceful. He liked watching the ducks. Listening for Henry’s arrival, he instead heard the sound of jeering. 

Turning his head, there was a small crowd gathering on the grass. He frowned and stood, a break in the crowd suddenly showing Henry face to face with an older teenager. As Castiel started to move the older teenager’s fist curved towards Henry’s face. 

The crowd rippled backwards, making room. Although they couldn’t see Castiel’s wings, the massive appendages created their own staticky presence. Castiel stood between the two teenagers, the older boy’s fist caught in Castiel’s hand. His grip tightened and the boy winced. He let go of the fist. “You will not harm Henry.” His eyes were glowing blue, body angling itself for attack. The boy paled at the angel’s obvious protective anger. 

From behind, Henry tapped at Castiel’s shoulder. “Castiel, it’s okay, thank you.”   
“It is not okay.” Castiel growled gruffly. “I am your guardian angel. I will not allow this boy to harm you.” “He won’t, it’s over. Isn’t it, Trevor?” Henry said, directing his last comment to the other boy. 

The older teenager glared but stepped away, holding his hands up. Castiel nodded once, sharply and turned to check on Henry. The two walked away, the other students heading off now that the fight was broken up. Henry looked up at Castiel, the angel staring straight ahead and still tense. “Castiel-” He said. The angel turned with a frown to look at Henry.   
“Yes?” Castiel asked. Henry smiled, putting his hand on Castiel’s arm.   
“Thanks.” Henry said simply. Castiel nodded and looked back ahead, relaxing minutely. 

*~*~* 

Henry and Castiel sat on the porch. It was winter, and the Christmas tree could be seen in the window behind them. Castiel and Henry had discussed Christmas, pagan holidays, and more. The conversation had faded to a companionable silence. 

Henry glanced over at the angel. “Castiel, did God really tell angels to come serve humans? That’s what the angels said, but I don’t understand. Angels are God’s creations same as humans, why would He want one creation to be subservient to another?” It was clear this was something Henry had been thinking for some time. 

Castiel squinted out into the dusk, mouth twisting as he thought. “We- God has been gone a very long time. Few angels have seen Him. We were all told of His last commandment, that we care for His creations. Humans are more vulnerable than angels.” He paused. “Human language has proven capable of having many meanings for one word and one meaning explained by many words. I am not sure if care and serve are as interchangeable as we had thought.” Henry looked at Castiel for a long moment, and eventually Castiel looked back. Their eyes met and then both males looked back out across the lawn as night fell in earnest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Old jokes make me laugh. These are real jokes from the 1940's and before. Most fun part to research and write! Comments and kudos always appreciated <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Henry grows up. Where does that leave Castiel?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all like the chapter!

Five years was like the blink of an eye for an angel. It was much longer for a human. Henry went from being a teenager to a young man in that time. Castiel was there for Henry’s 16th birthday, and the next and the next. Castiel was his closest friend.   
When, at twenty, a drunk driver crashed into Henry’s vehicle, Castiel was there to shield him from the glass and destruction. Castiel dragged him unharmed from the car before it caught fire. 

When Henry was twenty-one he and Castiel argued. They had been listening to a news talk show on the radio that discussed angels. “Do you want me to leave?” Castiel had finally asked, gruff voice going hoarse at the end.   
“Of- of course not, Castiel! I want you to be happy. You deserve your own life. That’s all I was trying to say.” Henry replied. 

Of course Henry didn’t want Castiel to leave. Castiel was his closest friend and he knew the angel wouldn’t let anything happen to him. At the same time, he worried. How could anyone live a fulfilled life waiting on the sidelines and jumping in only to serve someone else? Angels were not pets or toys. They were intelligent, sentient beings. Castiel deserved his own life. His heart ached at the idea of the angel leaving- but a guilt was growing in him at Castiel’s life having no greater fulfillment than to guard Henry. The argument was over, but neither male was able to put it out of mind. 

Henry was twenty-two when he met Millie, a young woman helping run her mother’s bed and breakfast. He told Castiel about her smile, her intelligence, her smile, her kindness, and did he mention her smile? He had asked her out to the movies and dinner and she said yes. Castiel did not go along, at Henry’s request. It worried him that Henry could get hurt, but Castiel had noticed over the years how Henry wanted him around less and less when it came to personal matters. Though Henry welcomed Castiel in times of enjoyment, more and more he felt there were times when it was unnecessary or inappropriate to have Castiel nearby. 

When Henry came home, Castiel asked how the date went. Henry had stars in his eyes when he answered, “I’m going to marry that girl, Castiel.” 

*~*~* 

At almost twenty-four years old, Henry could more than do his own tie. Except for when his hands wouldn’t stop shaking. Castiel, also in a suit, did the tie carefully. Henry had taught him how to put on a tie, it was important to Castiel to be able to do it for himself. Now, he was also doing Henry’s for him. 

“Calm down. It is my understanding that you need only stand and repeat words.” Castiel said. Henry nodded, swallowing dryly.   
“You’ll be right by my side?” Henry asked. He needed Castiel by his side for this.   
“As ever, Henry.” Castiel replied, finishing the knot. 

They walked out, shoulder to shoulder. Henry had grown and was almost equal in height to Castiel. They took their places at the end of the aisle. Shortly after, all the guest’s eyes turned to the back of the church where Millie stood. Henry’s eyes watered as he gazed upon his bride. 

Castiel felt a strange fluttering in his chest. He could not place the emotions. Joy for his dearest human, and a sadness that he did not understand the presence of. 

Two weeks after the wedding, Henry and Millie returned from their honeymoon. Castiel had been told in no uncertain terms that Henry did not want or need him along. The happy couple needed time alone for marital relations and for enjoying each other’s company as newlyweds. Castiel understood. Henry wanted to live life without Castiel constantly by his side should something happen. It made sense. 

So why was it so painful? Why did he feel as if he had been left behind in a way that had nothing to do with not going on the trip? Castiel was an immortal angel and Henry was human. Henry was moving on with his life in a way that Castiel could not. Castiel had no life outside of being Henry’s guardian angel. That was not Henry’s fault, or anyone’s fault. Castiel understood. He did.

He sat patiently while they were away, convening with Heaven and just… waiting. 

They returned and Henry smiled at Castiel with a strange expression on his face. Castiel felt a strange weight in his body. It was like his heart had gained several pounds and sunk into his belly. That evening, Henry asked Castiel to sit with him on the porch as they had done so often over the years. Castiel felt a rebellious spark, wanting to say no. To turn down Henry’s request which was really more of a demand. 

He knew he would not like this. His life was going to change and although he had millennia behind him that did not involve Henry, this felt so much bigger. Still, he did as asked, as he always had. 

Once seated, the two males stared out across the lawn. “I think it’s time, Castiel.” Henry eventually said. Castiel’s heart ached as though twisted.   
“I… do not want to go.” Castiel finally replied. It was half lie, half-truth. 

“We have spoken of this many times. You have said that you want to find God, to speak to Him about His command.” Henry replied neutrally. “Castiel, I was perfectly safe on my honeymoon. I will be as safe as anyone ever is in life. You can’t stay around me to protect me from all harm for the rest of my life. It isn’t- I don’t believe it’s the way things should be. Risk is part of life.” He finished. 

Castiel fiddled with his shirt sleeve, having picked up these little human nuances over his time with the young man. Henry ached at the signs of humanity that clung to Castiel now, like moss on a stone that had rested in one place for too long. None of this was easy. He knew that Castiel was torn, just as he was. Henry loved Castiel like a brother, a confidant, a protector. He could remember lonely days of childhood when his father wasn’t around. Castiel was calm and funny, in his own little ways. He had been more devoted to Henry than the young man felt he deserved- than any human deserved. And therein was the crux of the matter; more and more Henry had become certain that wires had been crossed. 

If God loved all his creations, why would He set some of them as servants of the other? Would He not want his angels to be happy as well? Helping humans was one thing, but serving them in the mundane way that had become the norm just seemed… Wrong. Heavenly beings of light and love surely had better things to do than stand in a business man’s office while he did paperwork, or to tidy a house while a woman was out shopping. 

“What about you and Millie? What if you have a child? What if something happens to you and I am not there?” Castiel demanded.   
“Then we will deal with it. Humans are not so fragile. If I have need of you, I will call you. If Millie is hurt I will call on you, if I am hurt she will pray to you. But I don’t want to. We shouldn’t rely on you. No human should just expect heavenly beings to be at their beck and call.” Henry said. 

Castiel squinted out at the evening sky, lips pursed tightly. He understood. He understood. He did not want to. 

“Look, I’m not throwing you out. You will always be welcome in my home and the home of my descendants. I owe you everything. You will always have a room here.” Henry added. He wondered if, after these years, the angel was as afraid of being alone as Henry was. “We spoke of you finding God, finding answers to questions that we have ruminated on over these past years. I believe you can find Him, if anyone can. I want that for you.” 

But Castiel understood. He nodded. Part of him knew the truth of what Henry was saying. Castiel and Henry had discussed the idea of finding God. Maybe Castiel had planned to leave it until he had taken Henry to Heaven and then he would begin his search, but he was no fool. He knew he would ever find a reason to put it off. If not for Henry, for Henry’s children and their grandchildren. Castiel would never be able to take that step of his own accord.

“I will leave tomorrow.” Castiel said.   
“Castiel, you don’t have to-”

“I understand.” Castiel interrupted as he had never done before when it wasn’t an important thing. “But I will leave tomorrow.” Henry didn’t reply. He felt sure that in doing the right thing, he had somehow broken something precious to him. He believed in what he said, but nobody had ever promised the right things to do in life would be painless. 

The human and the angel sat in silence for some time as the sky darkened and the crickets began to sing. In the distance an owl hooted as stars blinked into life. 

The next morning, Castiel made breakfast for Henry and Millie, having learned to cook simple things. Millie came in the kitchen first and blinked. Having taken over the bed and breakfast she was used to cooking but simply smiled. “Thank you, Castiel.” He smiled back at her, plating the food as Henry walked in. 

“Castiel, it looks great. Thank you.” Henry said. “Will you be joining us?” He asked, seeing only two places. Castiel did not eat often though he indulged on occasion.   
“No, thank you. I will be taking my leave. I wanted to say goodbye.” Castiel replied. Henry stopped in the middle of pulling out his chair. His expression turned serious.   
“So, you’re leaving now.”   
“Yes.” Castiel answered. “I am not taking anything with me.” 

Henry stepped over to Castiel and gripped his arms. “Thank you for everything, Castiel. Be safe and good luck on your search.” Henry said gravely.   
“Thank you, Henry. I- I will always come if you pray for me.” Castiel returned simply. 

Millie walked over and kissed the angel’s cheek. “Thank you for caring for him, Castiel. We will keep your room for you here.” She said and stepped away. She knew they needed a moment. 

Castiel and Henry looked at each other for a long moment. It was all he could do to keep from calling the whole thing off. Castiel would never leave if Henry said that he had need of him. He swallowed back the words that would keep the angel invisibly chained to his side. Then Henry released Castiel’s arms and nodded. Castiel returned the nod and in the next moment he had vanished from their kitchen. 

In the silence after he left, Millie stepped over to her new husband and entwined their fingers. Henry turned his head and kissed her forehead. Millie tugged where their hands were joined, leading him to sit and eat with her. 

*~*~* 

Castiel flew to a beach. He knew he did indeed want to look for God, but had no real idea of where to start. While Henry and Millie had been on their honeymoon, he had conversed with the angels still in Heaven to find out if anyone knew much about God personally, or had any ideas or had heard any rumours. He hadn’t gotten much of a reply, as some angels looked down on the angels who served humans.   
He was able to go anywhere the world over and no one would be able to tell he was an angel but he still needed somewhere to start. The world was big enough that even he couldn’t search it all quickly. Not to mention that God had left. He was probably hiding and how would Castiel find Him if He didn’t want to be found? 

There was one angel that Castiel knew had seen and even spoken to God. Joshua, in the Garden. Castiel flew to Heaven for a rare visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So Henry is meets Millie after September 1950 when he is 22. He's 23 in September 1951 and almost 24 just before September 1952. At that time, Castiel has been with him for 9 years. 
> 
> Not gonna lie, I almost made myself cry writing this because I just felt for Cas so much lol.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel begins his search for God and eventually finds a familiar face in an unexpected place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for slow updates!

The meeting was less than helpful. Joshua had not seen God since his departure and refused to even muse over where the deity had vanished to. 

Returning to earth, Castiel had decided he would explore the world and try to find other, like-minded, angels. He didn’t know if that meant angels who questioned God’s commandment or angels who only wanted to be more true to His word. He had nothing to lose in finding out.

It was a year later that Castiel met Balthazar. 

*~*~* 

For a year after leaving the Winchester’s home, Castiel had traveled. He had started far away from America. Somehow, being in the United States felt like being too close and yet too far from his human. 

He went instead to Australia, deeming it small enough to search extensively. The country was bigger than expected, but it also had wide open spaces with no humans at all. It made it easy for him to traverse the deserts. When he did wander through the cities and market places, he wondered at the sheer determination of humanity, to exist where so many creatures could maim and kill. 

He spent almost half of that first year there, but all the angels he met were content with their interpretation of God’s parting commandment. In fact, in a land that could be so hostile, they felt it right to protect their humans from all that could befall them there. A more protective group of angels, Castiel had not met. 

In keeping with his idea that smaller countries were explored first, Castiel’s next stop was Japan. It wasn’t as hot or as dry as Australia and seemed as good a choice as any. It was interesting to Castiel to see how like their humans the angels were. Angels were creations who liked order and the careful, detailed culture of the Japanese seemed to suit them to a tee. It was hard to say whether the angels that settled in Japan did so because of the politeness and social conventions of the culture or whether the humans became like the angels or vice versa. Nonetheless, Castiel did not find what he was looking for there. The angels were polite but distant to a fault. No one wanted to discuss other meanings of God’s word. 

It had been a good year away from the United States but Castiel missed it, and decided to spend some time working his way across that vast country. In his methodical way, Castiel decided to start in California and work his way east. 

The Californian mountains were quiet; he met very few people for miles on end. The question had always been would God live as a recluse in a peaceful place, or would he blend in a city of millions? Castiel still didn’t know, but he prayed and continued his search.

San Francisco was far larger than any place he had searched up until that point. The city stretched for miles and the Golden Gate Bridge was a feat of human construction. There were Beat poets in the parks and fishermen on the Wharf. Castiel watched a cable car go up a high hill with men in suits holding on to the sides. It was chaotic and loud and so very human. 

There were fewer angels here than Castiel had expected. Oh, he saw them here and there but not in the numbers he had expected in comparison to how many humans there were. “Excuse me.” Castiel said to an angel trailing after a human. The female turned and lifted an eyebrow.   
“Yes?”   
“Are there angels who do not serve humans in this city?” Castiel asked politely. Her brow furrowed before a disgusted look crossed her expression.   
“Oh. You’re looking for him.” The words dripped with disapproval. “He lives up near Laguna Honda Boulevard. I have to go.” Before Castiel could ask anything further she had turned and walked back after her charge. Castiel blinked. He had no idea who this ‘he’ was but it was the best lead he had gotten yet. 

*~*~* 

Castiel couldn’t name what he felt but it definitely involved a healthy dose of horror. A bit of scandal. Okay, a lot of scandal. A door had been opened by a nearly naked young man with long hair. The young man was around Henry’s age, and wore only a small pair of skin-tight briefs. 

Castiel was led into a hallway and then the young man walked on into the large room it opened into. This was where Castiel stood frozen. The room was purple. Very purple. It had columns and chaise lounges, as well as tables of food and mixed drinks. Draped over the furniture were an assortment of men and women, all in various stages of undress and several in compromising situations. Castiel blushed. He had no idea where to look. 

“Hello, darling! What brings you to my humble abode?” Came a chirpy British voice. Castiel looked up from the floor (the only safe place he was able to find was the floor directly by his feet).   
“Balthazar?” Castiel asked to be sure. 

Balthazar looked very different from how he had looked the last time he spoke with him in Heaven. Castiel and Balthazar had been friends, of a sort. It had never occurred to him that the other angel might leave Heaven- he was certainly not an angel who would bow to humans. And this was, well, it wasn’t 'bowing’ by any stretch of the imagination. It was, quite frankly, an astonishing amount of fornication with multiple genders and bodies involved. Balthazar grinned. 

“Cassie! Come in, come in. What have you been up to the last centuries? Grab yourself a drink.” He walked as he spoke, arm slung around Castiel’s shoulders and drawing him along with him. A beautiful woman with golden skin and features that told of the East handed Balthazar two glasses of wine which he took after depositing a kiss on her lips.

The blonde angel turned to Castiel and held out a glass in offering. Castiel considered it for a moment before taking it. He didn’t drink from it, still shocked by the excesses of the flesh he was viewing all around him. “This is-” He was at a loss for words.   
“Fabulous? Arousing? Hedonistic?” Balthazar listed off with a smirk. “So, brother, let’s go somewhere we can sit and talk.” He led the way out of the room to another, less occupied, one. It was smaller as well with an array of couches and pillows. He stretched out on a sofa with his wine and gestured for Castiel to sit. Castiel did so, but sat upright on a chair. 

“Now, what brings you to my humble abode, Cassie?” Castiel stared down at the thin red liquid in his glass, trying to figure out how to say things now that he had actually found an angel who might be interested. He cleared his throat once, twice.   
“I was assigned to a human. His name is Henry Winchester and he is a good man. As he grew we discussed many times the last Commandment that led to me being his guardian angel and-”   
“You were a guardian angel? You don’t say! I wasn’t sure you’d ever leave Heaven.” Balthazar interrupted, sounding amused. 

After an awkward moment Castiel pulled a small and worn photograph from the pocket of his trenchcoat. He reluctantly held it out to show the other angel. “This is Henry. It was taken when he graduated school. He has recently married.” Recently to angels and humans still meant very different things. Balthazar took a look at the photograph- Castiel would not relinquish his grip on it- and let out a low whistle. 

“He’s a handsome one, isn’t he? You two ever have relations?” Balthazar’s eyebrows did an obscene wiggle and Castiel physically reared back, clutching the picture.   
“Of- of course not!” Castiel couldn’t wrap his head around the comment. He loved Henry but they weren’t- “We weren’t- we were never- I would not!” Balthazar started laughing, bending over to put his wineglass on the floor as he snickered. 

“Oh, calm down before you pop. I’m only joking, I know you would never have had sex with your charge.” It took several more minutes for the chuckles to die down and Castiel was sitting stiffer than ever. “Continue your story, Cassie.” Balthazar encouraged. Shoulders hunching slightly, Castiel did so. The expression on his face made it clear he didn’t wish to be interrupted again. 

“We talked many times about God. Henry does not believe that God meant for angels to serve humans in the way that they have. And I… I have come to question the commandment also. We spoke of finding God and asking for… Clarification of his wishes. After Henry got married I left to search for God, or for other angels who might feel as I do. I spoke first to Joshua but he would not speculate on our Father’s whereabouts. I have searched for a year and you are the first angel on earth I have found who does not… Follow a human.” He finished awkwardly. Balthazar took a second to think on Castiel’s words. For all his teasing, he was fond of his brother. Castiel was younger than him and, he could admit this, better than him in many ways. 

“Joshua wouldn’t, even if he knew.” He agreed. “It’s rather cold that this boy chucked you out after getting hitched.” He added.  
“No.” Castiel denied. “We had spoken of this many times. I believe this was simply the clearest time. If I had not gone then, I would never have left.” The older angel shrugged, allowing the comment to pass uncontested.   
“I don’t think you’ll be finding our Father anywhere, Cassie. I hate to say it but the Big Guy has bowed out. All you will find is the occasional angel like myself who believes there is more fun to be had on this planet than in acting like a maid or bodyguard.” Balthazar said. 

Castiel frowned but it was nothing that he hadn’t expected to hear. “I will continue to look nonetheless. Are there any of our brothers and sisters that may have more knowledge or who might have spoken to our Father directly?” He asked. He finally took a sip of the wine. 

“The Archangels perhaps? They have remained in Heaven though, save one. Gabriel has been missing for some time. He is not dead but he defected not long after our Father’s disappearance. He could be hiding on earth. I am not sure where, however.” Balthazar replied. Castiel nodded, thinking on that. Could he locate the hiding Archangel? 

“Cassie.” Balthazar sat up, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. His voice broke into Castiel’s thoughts and the older angel had an unusually earnest expression on his face. “Give up the search. You are more likely to find a needle in a haystack, to use a human phrase. Stay here with me instead. I have missed you, brother. You are always welcome here. What is mine is yours.” He enjoined Castiel. Castiel smiled. As shocked as his brother’s excesses had been, he and Balthazar had once been close and he felt fondness for the other angel. Still, his mind was made up. 

“I will continue my search, but thank you. It has been… good to see you. I have missed you but it is important to me to try to find our Father. If Gabriel is a way to see this through, I will seek him. Perhaps he will hear my prayers and come to speak with me.” It was doubtful as the Archangels had always been a step above the other angels but Castiel was steadfast. He would do what he could. 

“Then stay with me just for tonight. Stay and eat with me, brother, and let us talk in more depth of how we have been. Tomorrow I will give you whatever I have that may aid you in your search.” Balthazar urged. Castiel nodded his head.   
“I will. Thank you, Balthazar.” Castiel smiled and it was returned by Balthazar. Castiel could never stay for long in this place; it was Balthazar’s home, not Castiel’s. However, he had journeyed for a year with no familiar company and he would not deny either his brother or himself it for just a night. The next day he would set out again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a real fondness for Balthazar, wanted to portray him well. 
> 
> As always I did research for this time so the cable cars and beat poets is correct. If you see anything that is obviously wrong, do let me know!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel leaves Balthazar's den of iniquity and prays to Gabriel in hopes of getting an idea where he might find God.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been so long! I won't abandon this fic. I hope you like this chapter!

The next day Castiel pulled on his ever present trenchcoat. Balthazar had left to grab something, though he wouldn’t say what. When he returned, he held out a wallet. “This has money in it, which you may need to grease some palms. It also has my phone number, Cassie. Call me if you need anything.” Castiel nodded and took the wallet before clasping Balthazar’s arms. 

“Thank you, Balthazar.” Castiel said. Balthazar scoffed and pulled Castiel into a brief hug, then released him.   
“Don’t be a stranger, brother! And good luck.” Balthazar walked to the door and saw Castiel out. He didn’t believe Castiel would find God, but he hoped the best for him anyway. 

*~*~* 

Gabriel had been missing from Heaven for a very long time and Castiel had as little an idea of where to start looking for the archangel as he did for God. All he could do was pray to Gabriel and hope that the archangel would respond. He sat in a park, watching the people run or play or walk their dogs. Humanity was fascinating. He could understand God’s pride in His creation. 

He spread his grace out and prayed. “Archangel Gabriel, elder brother. I wish to speak with you. I have been a guardian to a man and now I search our Father in hopes of better understanding His will. Please. I do not know why you left Heaven nor is it my concern. I want only to know how I might find our Father.” He pulled his grace back in around him like his immaterial wings and sighed. He would sit for awhile. He didn’t expect an instant answer but he hoped that Gabriel would respond.

Gabriel heard Castiel’s prayer. He strolled through a high school, pulling pranks on bullies and blending into the scenery. He didn’t really use the name Gabriel anymore, instead preferring his alter ego; Loki, the Trickster. Humans still sometimes prayed to him but it was much more rare now that people had their own pet angels. He snorted at the thought. 

“Well, well. Little Cassie looking for our Father. Good luck with that.” Gabriel sneered to himself around a lollipop. Gabriel figured God had gotten sick of the angels bickering among themselves and taken off. He might be a little bitter about it. Just a little. He had no intention of replying to Castiel when he first heard the prayer, but he had to admit he was curious.   
Gabriel ignored the prayer that day. And the next. 

Castiel prayed once every day for a week. 

Finally, having had enough, Gabriel went to see Castiel from a distance. Castiel was now in San Diego, wandering the city and speaking to random angels. He asked them about Gabriel and about God and got a range of answers, none of which were helpful. Gabriel had listened in on a few of the usually short conversations, chuckling to himself. Maybe he should have a bit of fun before he revealed himself… 

*~*~* 

Castiel spent more and more of his time in parks. While he wasn’t making much headway with the search, it was peaceful in a way he hadn’t expected. Sometimes he saw people being horrible to others but mostly he saw family and couples and joyous children. Even children having tantrums as they struggled to understand the world they had been born into. 

It seemed like any other day when a strange, egg-shaped object appeared in the sky above the park. People in the park were stopping where they stood, pointing up at it. With the recently released ‘Invaders from Mars’ and rerelease of ‘The Flying Saucer’, aliens were firmly in people’s minds. Some started running in fear, others shouted about UFOs and aliens. Castiel, who hadn’t moved an inch, frowned. 

There should be no such thing and, what was more, there was nothing corporeal about the object. There was nothing living in it. It vanished in the next instant and a woman sat down on the bench next to him. Castiel looked over to see an undeniably beautiful human woman sitting next to him. She had her eyes trained on the sky where the flying object vanished but her profile showed a straight nose, and sharp cheekbones. Her mouth was pursed plumply and the expression relaxed into a smile as she turned to him. “That’s something you don’t see every day, huh?” Her long lashes fluttered slightly and Castiel shifted uncomfortably on the bench. Why was this woman… He didn’t even know.

Something was strange though. She didn’t feel any more real than the flying saucer and Castiel narrowed his eyes in suspicion. “Who are you.” It wasn’t even a question. Castiel stared intently and the woman’s smile turned into a Cheshire grin before she winked and vanished. Castiel stood instantly. 

The park was almost deserted in the wake of the apparition of an ‘alien spaceship’. A few people were still there, talking intently to their angels, probably questioning whether aliens were real. Castiel’s eyes scoured the area for the perpetrator of the woman and, he strongly believed, the flying saucer. 

“You caught on too quick.” Came a voice behind him with a heavy sigh. “Ruined my fun.” Castiel turned quickly to see a short angel with long-ish brown hair standing there. He blinked.   
“Gabriel? You came.” Castiel said. The other angel shrugged, still pouting at the fast end of his prank. “You weren’t planning on giving up any time soon. Figured it was time to come tell you to stop.” Gabriel replied. Castiel’s brow furrowed. 

“I want to find our Father. You are on earth but no one can find you and you don’t follow humans. Why did you leave? Do you think this is what Father wanted?” Relieved as he was to be speaking to Gabriel, he couldn’t prevent the questions spilling out. Gabriel’s look turned to amusement and he pulled a sweet out of his pocket, popping it into his mouth and chewing. 

Gabriel was quiet for a moment as he debated whether to answer truthfully. “I left Heaven because of the in-fighting. It wasn’t for me. So, I left. I have my fun down here now. Call me Loki.” He winked one golden brown eye.   
“Loki, a Norse god?” Castiel asked. Castiel’s eyebrow raised. Well, that was one explanation for the UFO trick- no doubt the police would be inundated soon by those who had seen it.  
“At your service!” Gabriel chuckled. After a moment, he added, “I don’t know what Father had in mind.” Castiel frowned. 

“You must have some idea,” Castiel asked, a pleading note in his voice. Gabriel held out a second sweet for Castiel, a caramel.   
“Nope. It’s all speculation. He didn’t talk to me about it, that’s for sure.” There was a bitter tone to Gabriel’s voice that Castiel hadn’t expected, though he didn’t know why. Maybe bitter was the natural way to feel about this. He took the proffered caramel.

“It’s important to me to understand. To try to find him. Please, Gabriel.” Castiel said. He didn’t expect to get a straight answer, but he had to ask. Gabriel’s teasing smile faded slowly. He remembered Castiel’s determination and knew the younger angel would not be easily deterred. He knew he couldn’t tell Castiel what he wanted to know, though. No one could. God had left. It stung Gabriel to remember. He had been the last angel to see God, had told Him that all the angels needed Him to stay. God had said it was time to step back and… Had done just that. Still… 

“I don’t know where Father is but… If you’re looking for people with unusual views on things like Father’s last commandment there is someone you could speak to. He’s a writer, maybe a bit prophetic? He writes about angels and humans. He’s odd, though.” Gabriel warned. Castiel perked up. Disappointed as he was at the first part of the comment, he was eager to know more about the writer. 

“Where is he?” Castiel asked.   
“Colorado. His name’s Chuck but he writes his thoughts under the pseudonym 'Carver Edlund’. He has an angel. Hannah.” Gabriel replied.   
“Thank you, Gabriel.” Castiel replied in his gravelly voice. The Archangel shrugged as though it was no trouble.   
“It’s not Dad, but it’s something. At least you can talk it over from a philosophical angle, I guess. Catch ya around, Cassie.” Gabriel winked and vanished, leaving behind chaos. 

Castiel assumed from Gabriel’s chosen mantle that that was how Gabriel liked it. Castiel was unsure why Gabriel ate so many sweets, he could only assume the angel picked the habit up on earth and stuck to it. It was also a puzzle to him that an Archangel had chosen to become a Norse God, but he supposed it kept Gabriel busy. 

His next stop was Colorado. Although he would have liked to be more methodical about his travels, Castiel could not wait too long to go and speak to Mr Edlund. Before he left San Diego he stopped at a telephone booth and called Henry. He was nervous in a way he hadn’t expected, but it had been over a year since he had seen Henry and he missed him. 

The phone rang before going through and being answered. A moment later, Henry’s voice came over the line. “Hello?” Henry asked. Castiel smiled, a wave of fondness rushing through him at his human’s voice. “Hello, Henry. It is Castiel.” Castiel replied.

“Castiel! How are you? Have your travels been fruitful?” Henry asked.   
“I have not found God, but I have spoken to some of my brothers. I have the name of a human who may be willing to discuss God’s word with me. Gabriel implied that he might have greater knowledge than others, perhaps a prophet.” Castiel explained.   
“Gabriel? As in the Archangel?” Henry sounded suitably impressed. “You’re going to speak to this possible prophet now?” He asked.   
“Yes, the one and same, though he goes by another name now. I hope to speak to the human soon, yes, but he lives in Colorado. I wanted to ask how you are.” Castiel said. There was a worrying pause, but then Henry’s voice came over the line, excited, and Millie’s voice murmured in the background. 

“We’re glad you called. We actually have news for you. Millie is pregnant. I’m going to be a father!” Henry announced. Castiel’s eyes went wide, his hand clutching the phone tighter. A strange feeling swept through him. He remembered when Henry was but a boy himself. Now he was a man with a wife and a child on the way. 

“Henry, congratulations. And to Millie as well. When is the child due?” Castiel asked.   
“In about six months.” Henry’s smile was visible in his tone of voice. “If you can, you should come visit.” Henry added.   
“I will. Please don’t hesitate to pray to me should you need me before then.” Castiel said. Henry agreed and the call was ended. 

Castiel stood there for a long moment. He missed Henry and even Millie, was astounded at the passing of human lives and how quickly their milestones came and went. A new Winchester would be coming into the world in only six human months. 

For Castiel, that would never happen. There would be no spouse, no lover, and no children. Only himself, as the line of Winchesters marched on through time without him. It left a strange taste in his mouth, a heaviness in his chest. He didn’t know this feeling but it was far from joy. Castiel stepped away from the telephone booth and, with a thought, flew to Colorado

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Flying Saucer movie came out in 1950 and was rereleased in 1953 and Invaders from Mars was released in 1953 so this would have been very popular and topical and quite possibly frightening.


End file.
